2006-12-13
Daydreams of splattered blood and split lips.
Lately, my daydreams have been overrun with the image of someone beating the crap out of me. It's strange, to say the least, to spend my moments of imagination picturing myself being punched and hurt, but that's what it is.
Sometimes I know the attacker, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I fight back, sometimes I don't. But whenever I have a moment of stillness - waiting on hold while on the phone, or sitting at a red light - my mind immediately flashes on the violent movie reel running just under the consciousness of my thoughts, pictures of myself with black eyes and broken noses and loosened teeth.
Perhaps it's just my natural self-destructive tendencies working its way out now that I don't actively try to hurt myself, or maybe it's just my brain's way of trying to create some sort of action in my normally dull life. I know I don't really want someone to hurt me, but maybe I just really want someone to feel something passionate towards me, even if it is hatred.
corin82 at 10:52 p.m.